


To Mend a Broken Heart I

by olgushka



Series: Jenna/Josh/Tyler [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Graphic Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 15:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8851021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olgushka/pseuds/olgushka
Summary: Josh thought he was holding up just fine but he can't take it anymore. Jenna comes to the rescue.





	

Tyler wakes up to the sound of his phone ringing annoyingly loud on the bedside table. He untangles himself from Jenna’s grip, props himself up on his elbow and reaches for the vibrating device. He has to blink a few times and rub his eyelids to get used to the sudden brightness that hits his face. He's surprised to see his bandmate's name on the screen but he swipes to answer the call nonetheless.

„Josh?” He says quietly when he puts the phone against his ear but there’s silence on the other side of the line. „Josh...” He repeats and looks at the screen again to make sure that the call is still going. „I swear to God, if you just butt-dialed me, I’ll strangle you.”

He shakes his head and gets ready to end the call but then a quiet voice appears in his ear.

„Tyler?”

„Josh, it’s two in the morning.” The singer says in a hushed voice. „I don’t know about you but some people, like me, actually sleep at night.”

„I'm sorry.” Josh apologizes. „I shouldn’t h-have called you.”

„What are you doing up?” Tyler asks because he's already awake anyway and Josh sounds sad.

„I was o-out with the guys but I ditched them and… and I w-went for a walk. A-alone.” The drummer slurs and the realization hits Tyler.

„Jishwa, you’re drunk.” He states and smiles in the dark when Josh confirms his suspicion. „Where are you?”

„Just wandering around, y-you know? The night is so beautiful. The streets are s-so quiet and the stars are so, so pretty.” Josh’s voice cracks and he sniffs. „They’re so pretty, I could c-cry.” He says and the singer giggles. „Tyler? Tyler. I’m a mess.” Josh sobs.

„I bet you are, Josh. Go home, okay?”

The drummer doesn’t answer but Tyler can hear his erratic breathing and desperate sniffing. It’s nothing new because Josh has always been a weepy drunk and gets emotional over nothing when he’s intoxicated but this time, something feels off. And Tyler immediately knows that the joke is over when Josh lets out a big heart-wrenching sob and says four words that make the singer's blood freeze in his veins.

„I want to die.”

„ _Fuck_.” Tyler whispers, more to himself that anyone else and sits up on the bed, turning on the lamp. „No, Josh.” He says louder, ignoring the fact that Jenna rolls onto the side and opens her eyes. „You don’t, you don’t have a reason to. Josh, you’re tired. You need to go back home and sleep. Everything will be fine in the morning.”

„Nothing will be f-fine. I don’t- I can’t, Tyler. I’m scared.”

„Why are you scared?”

„What’s going on?” Jenna asks and touches Tyler's arm.

„Was that Jenna? Oh no! I woke her up, didn’t I? Oh no! I’m sorry!” Josh cries harder.

„No, Josh. Shh, it’s fine. Why are you scared?”

„Because I have- Tyler, I really want to die.”

„Shit, shit, shit...” Tyler throws the bedsheets aside and gets up from the bed. „Where are you? Can you tell me where are you?”

„I-” Josh starts and for a moment Tyler hears only his hiccuping. „I think I’m lost.”

„Is there anything near you, anything specific? Something big, something characteristic? Or maybe a sign with the street name?” He asks, balancing his phone on his shoulder and putting on his jeans at the same time. Josh hesitates but tells him to wait. „It’s okay. Take your time. Look around.” Tyler says loudly but then covers the speaker with his hand and turns to look at his wife. „Josh is drunk and he’s rambling about killing himself.”

Jenna’s eyes widen and she quickly gets out of the bed too.

„There’s...” Josh says. „There’s a big park on the other side of the street?”

„Okay, good job." The singer praises. „A big park, what else?”

„I don’t- I can’t. Tyler, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...” Josh starts to cry again.

„It's okay, Josh. Can you send me your location? Please. Open your messages, send me your location and I’ll come and get you. Can you do that for me?”

„I-I’ll try.”

The call ends. The next few minutes seem to last hours but finally, Tyler’s phone dings announcing the new message.

„He’s in downtown.” Tyler says, nervously running his fingers through his hair. „I need to go, Jenna. This seems terrifyingly serious.”

„I’m going with you.” 

She nods, picking up her clothes. While waiting for her to change, Tyler types a text. _Stay where you are. Don’t do anything stupid. I’m on my way._ He sends it, grabs his black hoodie and the car key and runs outside with Jenna right behind him.

 

It’s not a long ride but this time it seems like the eternity. Tyler ignores the speed limit and tries to drive as fast as he can without killing anyone in the process. They try to call Josh a few more times but he doesn’t pick up and Jenna nervously checks Tyler’s phone for directions and new messages.

„Turn left. The park should be there.” Jenna says looking through the window. „Josh has sent his location from...” She looks at the phone again and then points her finger to the other side of the road. „...there. Where are you, Josh?” She sighs but then suddenly unbuckles her belt. „He’s there!” Jenna points to a big tree and the person illuminated by the street lights. „It’s him. Pull over.”

Tyler is not quick enough to turn the engine off when Jenna opens the passenger door and runs in Josh’s direction. He’s on the ground, sitting there with his back pressed against the tree and he's staring at his knees through the holes in his ripped jeans. There’s a half-empty bottle of vodka a few feet away.

Jenna falls to her knees next to the drummer and puts her hand on his tear-stained cheek. Josh starts sobbing again and he shakes his head, leaning away from Jenna’s touch and hides his face in his hands. Tyler shows up next to them with a blanket in his hands and he quickly wraps it around Josh’s shaking frame. 

„Hey, man.” He starts, sitting down on the grass but he doesn't gain any reaction from his friend. „Josh. Can you look at me?”

„No.”

„Okay... Can you get up?” 

„N-no.” The drummer repeats stubbornly.

Tyler sends his wife a long hopeless look, shifts closer to the shaking man and wraps his arms around his shoulders. Josh rests his head on Tyler’s chest and closes his eyes. After a few minutes of quiet sobbing and wetting Tyler's hoodie with his tears, Josh reaches inside the back pocket of his jeans and takes out a small bottle of white pills. He gives it to Tyler.

„Oh my- Oh, Jesus Christ!” Tyler pales when he reads the label. „How many did you take? Josh!” He twists his body so he’s kneeling in front of the drummer and shakes him by the shoulders. „How many!?”

„I don't know! I’m sorry, I c-can’t live like that a-anymore, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I can’t…”

Jenna uncaps the bottle and spills the contents on her hand.

„Twenty. There’s twenty. He took ten.”

„Why would you do that!? Where did you even get this? These are not your meds, Josh!” Tyler raises his voice, causing Josh to cry harder again. „Freaking hell!”

„I want to die, I want to die!” Josh repeats, like it’s his own personal mantra. „I want to die!”

„Oh God. No. No, no. Please, don’t say that. Please.” Tyler says, lowering his voice. Jenna puts the pills back in the bottle and Tyler hides it in the pocket of his hoodie. „When did you take them, Josh? How long ago?”

„Just before you came here.”

„Tyler, we need to take him home.” Jenna puts her hand on her husband’s shoulder and leans closer. „Give me the keys and try to get him into the car. I’ll drive.” She says quietly. „We need to make him throw up. Have you seen the label? These are pretty strong. We can’t let him fall asleep.” She stands up and runs to the car.

„Josh?" Tyler touches his cheek. „Come on. Stand up for me, okay?”

„No, leave me alone!”

„I’m not leaving you.”

„That’s funny!” The drummer laughs through his tears. „Because you’ve already done it once! You’re pretty good at it!”

„Josh-”

„Go away!” Josh screams and doesn’t make any attempts to stand up. „Go away, go away!”

„I’m not leaving you here to die. I have no other choice.” Tyler says, hooks his right arm under Josh’s knees and supports his back with the other. He quickly carries the drummer to the car and places him on the back seat.

„I hate you, I hate you. I hate you!” Josh screams again.

„I know.” The singer nods, climbs into the car and shuts the door. He meets Jenna’s eyes in the rearview mirror. „Go.”

 

Jenna runs ahead, opening the front door for them and quickly disappears in the kitchen. Josh’s eyelids keep closing but Tyler does everything he can to stop him from falling asleep. He leads the other man to the bathroom and helps him sit down on the floor next to the toilet bowl. He waits for Jenna, impatiently drumming his fingers against his thigh. When she enters the bathroom two minutes later with a bottle of water in her hand, she winks at Tyler and he reaches for it, nodding in understanding.

„Drink.” He says, putting it close to Josh’s mouth.

„What’s this?” The drummer asks quietly.

„Water.”

Josh takes one big gulp and immediately grimaces.

„This is disgusting! It tastes like salt!”

„No, it’s just water.” 

Tyler quickly pushes the bottle towards his lips again and tilts it, supporting Josh’s head with his other hand. The drummer chokes and tries to push Tyler away but he has no more strength to fight and ends up taking a few more gulps before he manages to free his head and catch a few deeper breaths, wiping his chin. He looks at Tyler with a furious expression on his face and opens his mouth to speak but before he forms the first sentence, his eyes widen and he hunches over the toilet bowl and vomits loudly into it. Jenna lets out a shaky breath of relief from where she stands near the door and rubs her hands over her face.

„Yeah, that’s it. Everything out.” Tyler says, drawing circles on his best friend’s back with his open palm.

„You tricked me. You… You _fucking_ tricked me!” Josh growls, after spitting a few times.

„It was either that or pushing my fingers down your throat. We went for a slightly less drastic option.” The singer says and continues to rub Josh’s back when the other man vomits again.

Once they clean him up and Tyler helps Josh change into more comfortable clothes, they lead him to the guest bedroom. Josh tries to fight and argue but ends up falling asleep immediately after his head hits the pillow. Tyler tucks him in, covering him tightly in blankets.

„Stay with him.” Jenna says, noticing Tyler’s hesitation. „Stay with him, I know you want to. I understand.” She kisses him and after she leaves the room, Tyler climbs under the covers.

He pushes Josh's fringe off his forehead, gently runs his fingers through the drummer's hair and after scooping closer to the other man, he closes his eyes.

 

It’s almost ten in the morning when Josh opens his eyes again and frowns at the sight of an unfamiliar room. He doesn't remember how he managed to end up in any bed but when he turns his head and notices Tyler who stares right back at him with his piercing brown eyes, he realizes he's in his best friend's house. The drummer hisses and covers his face with his hands when a sudden wave of pain shots through his skull. The movement beside him makes him look at the singer again.

„Here.” Tyler says, offering him a glass of water and painkillers.

„Thanks.” Josh mumbles, sitting up and immediately swallowing the pills. He puts the empty glass on the bedside table and falls back on the pillows.

„How are you feeling?”

„Like I’m having the worst hungover of my life.”

„Do you remember what happened last night?” Tyler asks but Josh doesn’t answer. He turns his head to avoid meeting the singer's eyes. „You almost scared me to death. You scared both of us. Why would you do that, Josh?”

He can’t read any emotions in Tyler’s voice. He doesn’t know if he’s sad, angry or disappointed, or maybe everything at once. He turns around completely, rolling onto his side, facing away from the singer.

„It was nothing.” He says, shrugging.

Tyler freezes. He bites his lip and tries really hard not to explode right there but he’s already too worked up to stop the words from coming out of his mouth.

„Nothing!? You call this _nothing_? You call mixing pills - strong antidepressants that are not even yours - with alcohol _nothing_? Repeating hundred of times that you want to die is _nothing_? Josh, you were one step away from commiting suicide a few hours ago and you call all of this _fucking nothing_!?”

Jenna enters the room at the same time when Tyler screams the last word and pushes past her, leaving the bedroom with tears running down his cheeks. Josh is crying too, curled into a fetal position on the bed. There’s a sound of the front door slamming shut and after a minute they hear Tyler's car pulling out of the garage.

„Oh, boys.” Jenna sighs in sympathy.

„Go away, J-Jenna.” Josh begs, trying to breathe between the sobs.

„No.” She says shortly and sits down next to him. She reaches out and starts petting his leg through the covers. „I was on the phone to Mark this morning. He told me something I’ve been suspecting for a quite long time. „Josh-”

„He’s lying!” The drummer cuts her off and starts rambling in panic. „He’s lying, whatever he has told you… It’s not true, he lied!”

„I don’t think he did.”

„Oh, God!” He whimpers. „Please, don’t hate me!”

„Why would I?” Jenna asks softly. „You’re not the one I should hate right now.”

Josh hides his head under the pillow and starts mumbling shaky apologies.

„The only thing you should be sorry for is taking those goddamned pills.” The girl says, trying to push the pillow away. „Josh, listen... Wanting to kill yourself because you love someone is really lame. Especially when that someone loves you back.”

„ _They_ don’t love me. Not anymore.”

„ _He_ does.” Jenna says firmly. „The only thing I can't understand is why everyone has been trying to hide the fact that the two of you were in a relationship before I came into the picture. Will you tell me why your relationship ended?”

Josh hesitantly rolls onto his back and glances at Jenna.

„He decided it was wrong.” He blinks and lets a few more tears escape from his eyes. „He said he changed his mind.”

„After two years?” She raises her eyebrows. Josh nods. „I’m going to kill him.”

„No, Jenna! Please! It’s good. It’s all good.” He assures. „Because of all people I could wish for him to be with, you’re the best one. You’re sweet and beautiful, and you’re an incredible human being. He’s happy with you, I know he is. And I’ve learnt to live with it.” The drummer says and catches her staring at him like she doesn’t really believe him. „I just… I had too much to drink last night and I lost it. It doesn’t usually happen. We’re friends. We’ve stayed friends, our band has made it further than I thought it would. It’s enough. It’s… Yeah, it’s enough.”

„I’m sorry, Josh.” Jenna offers.

„What? What are you sorry for?”

„I’m sorry that you had to look at everything. At us, holding hands or kissing. I’d probably lose my mind if I were you. Looking at your ex-lover pushing his tongue down some girl’s throat? No, thanks. And you've never even blinked. But you were sad. I could see the sadness in your eyes and I never knew what was the reason.”

„It’s not like we were official.” Josh shakes his head, staring at the big picture of the Eiffel tower hanging on the wall. Anything to avoid Jenna's eyes. „We kept our relationship a secret, per Tyler's request. Mark knew about us from the beginning because he walked in on us kissing one time. I wanted to come out, at least tell the crew and our families. But he didn’t. I think he was afraid... And then, soon after that, we broke up. Tyler ended it. He said it was a mistake and we should go back to being friends. But it’s fine! I swear, it's fine. Tyler’s happiness is the most important thing for me. Nothing else matters.” Josh says. „Please, don’t let this change your marriage. I’d hate myself if it ruined something so beautiful.”

„It makes sense now. It all makes sense.” Jenna laughs.

„What does?” He frowns, turning to look at her in surprise.

„Everything.” She smiles so honestly that his heart stops beating for a long moment. „It’s gonna be okay, Josh” 

„Jen, for God’s sake, don’t do anything stupid.” He pleads. „Can we just forget about it? Like, let’s not speak about last night ever again.” 

„Shut up.” Jenna stands up and rubs her hands together. „Look, I don’t want it to sound like I’m kicking you out but I would really appreciate it if you weren’t here when Tyler comes back after getting rid of his inner freak out.” She says. „I’ll call Mark and tell him to take you back to your apartment. I’m not stupid enough to let you go alone.”

„What is this? A suicide watch?” He growls.

„Yeah. Something like that.”

„ _Great_.” He sighs but ends up smiling. „Promise me one thing, Jenna. You won’t do anything that you would regret later.” 

 

A few hours later, Tyler comes back home. Jenna hears him walking around the house, she hears his footsteps fading away when he turns to the guest bedroom. She patiently waits in the kitchen with arms crossed over her chest and just like she expected, Tyler bolts through the kitchen door a few seconds later with a scared expression on his face.

„Where’s Josh?!” He almost yells and Jenna realizes how desperate he is.

„He went home.” She says calmly, turning around to pour herself a glass of orange juice.

„You let him go!? Are you crazy? What if he tries to kill himself again?”

„He won’t.”

„How can you be so sure about it?” Tyler asks but then almost jumps when his wife puts the glass on the counter with more force than he expected her to.

„Mark is with him. We need to talk.” She says.

Tyler blinks, slightly confused. He steps closer and tries to steal a kiss but she’s faster and her open palm meets his cheek when he’s about to close the gap between their lips. She doesn’t hold back when she slaps him and he doubles over from the force, immediately rubbing his stinging cheek.

„ _Shit_.” He hisses but quickly composes himself and looks up at her. „Did I really deserve it?”

„You deserve many more, two times harder.”

„What are you talking about? What did I do!?”

„Living room. Now.” Jenna leads the way and he follows her with confusion painted on his face. „Sit.” She points to the couch, waiting for him to sit down. She stays where she is, standing in front of him in the middle of the room. „Why did you ask me to marry you?”

„What kind of question is that?” Tyler raises his eyebrows.

„Answer me.”

„It's obvious. Because I love you.” He says like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

„ _Bullshit_. I may be blonde but I’m not stupid.”

„I’ve never said you were. Baby, what is this all about?”

„You know, I've had my suspicions for a quite long time. After what happened yesterday, everything has started to make sense somehow. So I called Mark, just to be sure. He confirmed everything and I was clever enough to put the pieces together. I also talked to Josh and yeah, let me tell you - I should get a freaking prize for my detective skills.”

„Oh my God.” Tyler mumbles and hides his face in his hands. He stays like that for a while and for a few minutes none of them speaks.

„You screwed up big time.” Jenna says eventually.

„What?” He looks up at her in surprise. „It’s not like I cheated on you, Jenna. My relationship with Josh was already over when we started dating.”

„I’m not accusing you of cheating. Why did you break up with Josh?”

„We didn’t work out.”

„Really?” She asks, not missing the hesitation in his voice. „Interesting. But maybe being afraid of being judged was the real reason?”

„What?”

„Were you afraid of people judging you because you’re gay?”

„I’m not gay.” Tyler says firmly.

„Bisexual then.”

„I am _straight_.”

„It's amazing how after all this time, you’re still in denial.” Jenna sighs and tucks her hair behind her ear. „So what the relationship with Josh meant to you? Were you only experimenting?”

„Something like that, yes.”

„And you were experimenting for two freaking years!?”

„Jenna, what is your _fucking_ problem!?” Tyler raises his voice, getting impatient.

„You broke Josh’s heart!” She yells back.

„We’re over this! We’re friends! I moved on, he moved on!” 

„Are you sure!? Are you one hundred percent sure that Josh moved on!?”

„Well... Yes?” He stops yelling and looks at her with a frown.

Jenna sighs and sits down next to him.

„It was all right before my eyes from the start but I just didn’t get it.” She says. „And I still can see it but now I finally understand. The looks he gives you, his sad eyes when he stares at you. When you first introduced us, he looked worse than a kicked puppy. But I shrugged it off because you always said that Josh was anxious and emotional and I believed you, I believed it was the only reason he acted like that. After we got engaged, he looked like he was ready to jump off a bridge. During our wedding reception, when I was looking for my mom, I found him crying his eyes out in the garden. I asked him what’s wrong and he turned everything into a joke and said that he’s happy because his best friend got married. He asked me to take care of you.” She looks him in the eyes. „Tyler, you asked him to be your best man and made him watch you put a ring on my finger in front of a huge crowd of people.”

Tyler drops his gaze and shivers at the thought.

„After last night, everything has started to get clear somehow. Especially when he started yelling about you leaving him.” Jenna continues. „I called Mark in the morning because he’s probably the only person that Josh actually talks to. I asked him about the past but he didn’t want to say anything. He kept giving me that I-don’t-know-what-you’re-talking-about crap until I told him what happened in the park. So he told me everything he knew.” She takes his hand and squeezes it lightly. „Tyler, it wasn’t the first time when Josh mentioned killing himself.”

„What?” The singer’s head shots up.

„Only Mark knew. Whenever it got bad, Josh would go to him. He didn’t want anyone else to know, he didn’t want to see any therapists. He has never tried to harm himself though. Last night was his first real attempt.” 

„But- Why? Why would he do that?”

„The day before, during Michael’s birthday dinner, we were discussing kid’s names. He was sitting right next to us. You actually promised him to be the godfather of our first child if we ever have any.”

Tyler closes his eyes. He remembers the look Josh gave him when they started talking about children. He remembers how Josh excused himself from the table, disappeared for almost half an hour and when he came back, his eyes were red and puffy. _Allergies. I think I’ve eaten some peanuts earlier_ , the drummer said.

„You still love him, don’t you?” Jenna asks, interrupting his thoughts.

„No.” He says a little bit too quickly and his voice cracks. „You’re my wife and I love _you_.”

„I will not judge you if you do.”

„I don’t love him. _I love you_.”

„Say that again. Say that you don’t love him without sounding like you’re about to break down crying.” She challenges. He opens his mouth to speak but then his breathing quickens and only a shaky sob leaves his throat when he tries to calm himself down. „Tyler...”

„I don’t love him.” He says one more time but then he actually breaks down. He starts crying and doesn't even try to hide it from her. „I don’t want to love him. I don’t want to love him!”

„But you do.” Jenna says softly.

„I’ve never stopped.” He admits, nodding.

„It’s okay, baby.” She whispers and embraces him when he shifts closer and rests his head on her shoulder. „It’s okay.”

„I’m sorry. I'm so sorry.”

„Shh... We will work it out.” She kisses the top of his head and ruffles his hair. „I promise, we will.” 

„I was so scared.” He whimpers and she hugs him even tighter, letting him know that she's not leaving and he can open up. „I got scared because suddenly our band was getting more and more famous and my mom had this perfect vision of a daughter-in-law and grandchildren and I couldn’t give it to her, and the words I kept hearing in church were suffocating me. And Josh, he was always so understanding, so innocent and loving. He never pressured me into doing anything, he only suggested that we could tell our parents. I freaked out.” He says, sniffling. „I freaked out and told him that we’re over. And then you happened and you liked me and I realized how perfect opportunity it was.”

„That’s why you’ve been rushing into everything.” Jenna nods, thinking out loud. „Who in their right mind proposes to a girl after three months of dating, huh?” She starts playing with his hair and he finally relaxes into her touch.

„I love you, Jenna. I really do. I mean it! I look at everything we have and I really mean it. I used you for my selfish purposes and married you in the heat of the moment but I fell in love with you somewhere along the way and I regret absolutely nothing. You’ve changed me. You’ve made me a better person.”

„Yet there’s still a big Josh-shaped hole in your heart.” She says.

„I can’t forget- I just-” He shakes his head. „I loved him so much... He was the first person I truly loved. And look what I've done! I broke him, Jenna. I _fucking_ broke him. He wanted to kill himself because of _me_.”

„Please, don’t blame yourself for this. It's not your fault.”

„I’m the one to blame. No one else is.”

„Society is. People are.” Jenna says. „For making you feel like you weren’t allowed to love who you really wanted.”

„I don’t know what to do.” He admits, wiping his cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie.

„Well, it’s definitely not too late to fix everything.” She states with confidence and he looks up at her.

„Oh no...” He gulps. „I know this look. I don’t even want to know what’s on your mind right now.”

„Trust me.” Jenna leans down and pulls him into a sweet and tender kiss. „Just trust me. This is the best idea I’ve ever had.”

 

When the next morning comes, Jenna sits him down on the couch and tells him about her plan. She speaks slowly and acts calm, not wanting to freak him out. He stares at her like she’s crazy but somewhere deep inside he feels like his soul wakes up after years of hibernation. He’s still not sure if he should believe her and do as she suggests but he's glad that she doesn’t push him into anything.

Jenna lets him figure things out in his own time and make this decision in peace. She gives him time to think about everything but after a week, when he still looks like an emotionally drained zombie and keeps crying when he thinks she can’t see him, Jenna has enough. She waits a few more days but when the situation doesn’t change, she pushes away her soft side and approaches him with fury building up inside of her.

She doesn’t even try to control herself when she yells at him to pull his head out of his ass, go out and talk to Josh and almost literally throws him out of the house. She makes him change, gives him the key to his car and pushes him out of the door, and yells at him some more just because she can.

„Talk to him and kiss the hell out of him if you need to. I also want a picture-proof that it happened, otherwise you will sleep in your car tonight. Keep me updated!” She says and slams the door in his face.

 

Tyler finds himself standing on the front porch of Josh’s parents' house two hours later because that’s where Mark tells him to go. He takes a few deep breaths before he raises his hand and knocks shortly but loud enough to be heard. When Josh’s mother opens the door and sees him standing there and swaying on his feet, she frowns but smiles.

„Tyler! Good to see you. Come in!”

„No, no. I’d rather not, thank you.” He says, pushing his hands inside the back pockets of his jeans. „Is Josh here?” He asks and when she gives him a positive answer, he swallows nervously. „Can you please tell him I’m here? I’d like to talk to him. Alone. If he doesn’t want to talk to me, I understand. I’ll wait in the car for the next ten minutes but then I’ll drive away.”

„Tyler, is everything alright?” Laura asks with concern.

The singer only nods because her question proves that Josh didn’t tell his parents about what happened. He says a quiet goodbye and walks away to his car.

It’s exactly ten minutes later when he twists the key and starts the engine, ready to drive away. But then the door opens and Josh climbs into the passenger seat. He doesn’t say a word but quickly buckles his belt and gives Tyler one sharp nod of his head. The reason of his behavior becomes clear when Tyler looks towards the house and sees faces in the window. They both want privacy so the singer puts his hands on the steering wheel and starts to drive.

None of them really knows what to say and none of them wants to speak first. Josh tilts his head back and closes his eyes. Tyler knows it should feel just right because that’s what they would do sometimes, no matter where they were: find a car and drive around with no destination, where no words were needed because each other’s presence was enough. But this time, there’s tension in the air and foreign emotions that don’t let them speak freely.

Tyler drives on mental autopilot. He knows exactly where to take Josh so they can avoid all the noise and all the looks. He drives south, all the way to the city borders. He finally pulls off the highway onto a small dirt road that leads through the fields to the small forest. He parks the car and turns the engine off.

„Wanna walk with me?” He speaks for the first time since Josh got into the car.

The drummer climbs out of the vehicle and starts walking. He knows this place too well. Tyler locks the car, catches up with him and they walk at the same pace, shoulder to shoulder, yet keeping a distance from each other. They follow the path among the tall trees until they find their favorite spot - a small clearing near the river bank. There are definitely more bushes than the last time they were here but the place still looks the same.

Josh crouches down at the edge of the grass and sinks his hands in the freezing water. He keeps them underneath the surface until they feel so cold that he can’t stand it anymore. He pulls them out and watches the droplets as they’re running down his fingers. 

„Have you ever brought Jenna here?” He asks, wiping his hands on his pants.

„No. This is _our_ spot.” Tyler says, picks up a small flat stone and throws it across the water, trying to make it bounce on the surface. After two failed attempts, he sighs and sits down cross-legged on the grass. Josh sits down next to him so close that their knees touch.

„How’s your... marriage?” The drummer asks, not looking at the other man.

„Great.” Tyler snorts with laughter. „I have one badass wife who threathened me with a kitchen knife because I couldn’t make myself to leave the house to go see you and talk to you.”

„What do you want to talk about?”

„I don’t know.” He admits quietly. „I want to tell you so many things but they seem to be stuck in my throat right now.”

„It’s fine.” The drummer shrugs. „We can just sit here. It’s nice. It’s like… _before_.” 

„I’m sorry, Josh.” Tyler says suddenly before he can change his mind. „Isn’t it even too late to say sorry now? I’m sorry. For everything.”

„Me too. For everything.” Josh nods and hangs his head.

„You have nothing to apologize for. It's me who screwed up. I-” He hesitates. „I still love you, Josh.” He says because he waited too long to say it anyway.

Tyler closes his eyes and waits. For anything: yelling, crying, punches, slaps. Nothing comes.

„You can’t just-” Josh starts to speak. „Tyler, you can’t. You can’t tell me that. You can’t.”

„Why?”

„I don't know. Maybe because you’re married?”

„Jenna wants us to get back together.” Tyler blurts out. „She wants… Well, she wants us to be a thing again. She wants us to get back to what we were before I met her. And I want that too.”

„So she wants a divorce?” Josh stares at him in shock and confusion. 

„No! Things between us wouldn’t change.”

„Do you even hear yourself right now?” The drummer asks and Tyler nods. „And you’re aware of the fact that you just basically told me that your wife is fine with you cheating on her?”

„It wouldn’t be cheating.”

„No? I’m sure as hell it would.” Josh says and looks away. „What the heck... You’re out of your _fucking_ mind!”

„Josh, she said she’s fine with it. She gave us her permiss-”

„I don’t care! It’s still wrong!”

„I knew it was a bad idea.” Tyler mumbles under his breath. „So… No?”

„No, Tyler.”

After a long moment of silence, Tyler reaches for his phone. He dials a number.

„He doesn’t believe me. I told you, Jenna. I told you it wouldn’t work.” He says, pinching the bridge of his nose. Josh looks at him again with a weird expression on his face. „Yeah. Okay.” Tyler nods and pushes the phone in Josh’s direction. „She wants to speak to you.”

Josh hesitantly takes the phone and puts it against his ear. Tyler can hear loud yelling on the other side of the line, he can understand a few words and something that sounds like: _idiots, both of you!_ but then Jenna calms down and starts speaking to Josh quietly and Tyler can’t hear anything anymore. He can only see the drummer’s Adam’s apple moving in his throat as he swallows nervously while listening to her. When he finally ends the call and puts the phone away, he gives it back to Tyler and lets out a shaky breath.

„Your wife is freaking crazy.”

„You’re telling me.” Tyler sighs. „It’s fine, if you don’t want it. I understand.”

„I don’t know, Tyler. It’s weird. It feels weird when I think about it.” Josh says. „We’re together, then we’re not, then you’re married, then you want us to get back together with your marriage still floating somewhere in the background. It’s… It’s fucked up.” He exhales. „I mean… I still love you, it’s obvious. But I think it’s too soon for me to make a decision like that. It’s life-changing, Tyler. If you weren’t married, I’d let you fuck me into oblivion against the tree by now. But with Jenna still being involved in everything?” He shakes his head. „She may be fine with it but it’s still- It feels really wrong right now. I just need- I need to think, alright? I need to come to terms with it.”

„I understand.” Tyler says again. „I really do. I promise not to push you.”

„Thank you.”

„I was scared, Josh. I was terrified.” The singer says after a long moment of silence.

„I know, Tyler.” The other man nods. „I was scared too.”

„But you were ready to come out.”

„It doesn’t mean I wasn’t scared of the aftermath.”

„I’m not scared anymore.” Tyler says bravely, like he wants to prove himself that his words are true but Josh keeps silent. „Can I-” Tyler whispers. „Can I hold your hand? Only hold your hand. Nothing more. Please?”

Josh glances at him and smiles briefly because Tyler’s cheeks are burning red and he keeps his eyes on the ground, shy like never before. He reaches for Tyler’s hand that’s curled into a fist and straightens his fingers. He hooks their pinkies together and keeps them like that, like he’s testing the waters. Then he pushes his hand further and quickly links their fingers together before he can change his mind. Their hands fit together like two pieces of the same puzzle and the gesture feels like a promise of rebuilding something precious. They spend a long time, just sitting like that and staring at the flowing river.

„What did she mean, though?” Josh asks suddenly. „By telling me she needs a proof that we made up?”

„Oh, _shit_.” Tyler snaps out from his daydreaming. „Right...”

He takes out his phone again and takes a picture of their joined hands. He sends it to Jenna before typing another text. _There was no kissing but this happened_.

 _Fair enough. You’re getting there._ Is Jenna’s immediate reply. _Our fantastic threesome is gonna rule the world_.

„I don’t think I’m ready for threesomes.” Josh says from behind Tyler’s shoulder where he peeks at the screen. He looks so terrified that Tyler can’t stop the laughing fit that’s already on its way out of his mouth. He falls back on the grass and rolls around until his sides hurt.

„I’m in love with two idiots.” He says, trying to catch his breath. „I love both of you so fucking much, you have no idea. Oh my God!”

And the statement hits Josh hard because Tyler looks happy and his words sound so sincere that somehow Josh knows that the singer meant what he said. Before he can stop himself, he leans down and crashes their lips together. Tyler smiles into the kiss and lifts his phone, snapping another picture. Josh pulls off with a frown.

„Did you really just...”

 _Okay, it happened._ Tyler sends to Jenna.

 _Told you you were getting there. I SHIP IT_. She replies but after a few seconds his phone dings again, announcing another text from her. _Now bring your boyfriend home so I can make you food and pinch your cheeks and fangirl over both of you irl._


End file.
